April Week 3
I spent 15 minutes reading a buzzfeed list about discontinued snacks, it's not right.
This morning I watched as somebody from the parks department power-washed a statue. I’ve lived in New York for almost 13 years now and somehow never stopped to think how statues don’t have 12 pounds of bird crap on them. And now I know! There are so many birds in this city, and each one of them is loaded up with crap, ready to blow on any surface they choose. One time I was sitting at a cafe table outside when a bird crapped on me. Then a second bird crapped on me. One bird crap is supposed to be good luck, but two bird craps is most definitely bad luck. Starting with the fact that two birds decide to crap on you. I got rid of the pants, but the impact remains.
This week’s passions include: queso, pebble ice, being on the side of a pool, and movies where people become big stars and it ruins their lives.
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I didn’t grow up with queso, but this year I’ve encountered it quite a bit. It’s a semi-liquid triumph of Tex-Mex cuisine. If you’re unfamiliar, what I’m talking about is a gooey cheese dip that’s a little spicy. Apparently queso is a nickname and its full given birth name is chile con queso. You know how with most dips you gotta scoop it onto the chip? Well queso doesn’t work like that. With queso, you just dunk your chip and the queso covers it like a thick paint. But once this stuff is in front of you, eat it quick because if you wait too long, there’s a top film. Which is a sign of a very potent food. As a rule of thumb, I always like to hurry with a dip. The way I see it, if you’re spending more than 4 minutes eating a dip, you’re dealing with a stew, brother.
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A couple years ago, my boyfriend got a pebble ice machine for his birthday. This is a machine that takes water and makes soft, little ice cubes. I hate to make the comparison but these things are basically the shape of dog kibble. Dog kibble ice sculptures. The one major downside is the machine must be plugged in at all times and constantly makes a whirring sound and I think it’s supposed to be for people with basements. The ice was pretty tasty though— this is the kind of cube you’d find at a Sonic if you’re familiar with Sonic, or a Torchy’s if you’re familiar with Torchy’s. It’s almost like pre-chewed ice for the ice chewers out there. My dad used to tell us never to chew our ice, which basically resulted in my brother and I being some of the top ice chewers in the USA.
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Is there anything better than being on the side of a pool? No, there is not. Don’t ask me if I’m getting in. Of course I’m not getting in. I’m sitting by the side of the pool in regular clothes and I’m eating french fries and I’m drinking Diet Coke out of a plastic cup that changes colors when it gets cold and not one part of me is entering the water. I’m laying on a beach chair next to people wearing swimsuits and I’m sweating so much my pants are sticking to my legs, my skin is jeans now, but I don’t care, because I’m having the time of my life.
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I keep watching these movies where people become big stars and it ruins their lives. For example, Elvis, A Star Is Born, I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Judy, George and Tammy (okay that’s a tv show), Daisy Jones and the Six (sorry, that’s another tv show) and the list goes on. Usually in these programs, there is some alcohol or drug abuse and also an evil Iago type character who manipulates the famous person into doing their bidding. Makes you think, maybe fame is bad for humans. Makes you think. But also why do we keep making movies about this phenomenon, while launching new people into stardom? And the question remains, why do I keep watching these things?
I wonder if they will ever make a movie about someone who becomes famous and loves it and has no problems at all. I guess that’s what they did with the Justin Bieber documentary Never Say Never, but at one point he did have a sore throat and had to get a doctor to visit him on the tour bus, so even for him, it’s not all sunshine and daffodils. The best part about these movies is the montage where they are getting famous. It goes really fast and always shows them being scooted into the backseats of nice cars. Then it’s usually downhill from there.
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And now for some passions from the readers…
Brett: “I’m very passionate about the tulips that seem to get snuck into street side planters in the dead of night. They can’t possibly grow there. That means it’s someone’s job to ambush us with them. I like to think it’s retired Seal Team members atoning for past traumas but still using their skills.”
Natasha: "I am passionate about cozy clothes when you are home. When I met my husband he didn't own cozy clothes, but would lounge in button up shirts and slacks. There's no reason for that kind of life."
Kelly: “I, Kelly, am passionate about the giant all-caps motivational signs on the tennis courts in the park where I walk my dog. The signs range from mildly encouraging ("RUN FOR EVERY BALL" ; "UNSTOPPABLE NEVER STOPS") to confusing ("RIGHT NOW" ; "PROCESS THE PROCESS") to vaguely threatening ("SHUT UP AND PLAY" ; "THERE IS NO TOMORROW"). I love imagining the person who came up with these and decided they were the perfect thing to decorate the courts, and they also make me really grateful that I don't play sports.”
Taylor: “Crunching up the plastic bottle to get all the air out, then capping it so it stays small for the recycling bin.”
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If you have a passion, you’re always welcome to write up 1-2 sentences about it and send it on over!
That’s a stew, brother,
Jo