March Week 2
it's not 20 degrees outside!
Mike and I got married last month at the City Clerk’s Office, which is a lot like the post office if everyone dressed up to send their packages. Every time I go there, I ask for a job and they say no. Imagine marrying 70 people a day? It sounds like heaven. I used to cater weddings, and I’d get a thrill at every single one. As far as being actually married, everything is about the same except now he’s on my car insurance. The most I ever feel like a wife is when it’s my turn to take out the garbage and I do it at 7 in the morning wearing a bathrobe.
In other news, I watched two comedy specials — Chris Fleming’s on HBO and Taylor Tomlinson’s on Netflix — and both were divine. And I got to see Nirvana The Band The Show The Movie in theaters, which I also loved. Recommending!!
Passions this week include: Jolly Rancher Chews, Elsbeth is back on television, and ketchup.
These Jolly Rancher Chews!!! I must’ve talked about these before. I’m gonna describe them accurately now, but it’s not gonna sound appetizing. If Starburst is plain lettuce, stay with me, Jolly Rancher Chews are dinner salad with Italian dressing and a couple croutons. The other day, I was going through it — body hurt, head ached, in a piss-poor mood — then I found a big sack of these at the grocery store, I ate ten of them walking around, and things took a turn for the better.
After what felt like a hundred years’ hiatus, Elsbeth is back on television. If you’re not sure this show is for you, see if you answer yes to the following questions. Do you like seeing Broadway performers on TV? Do you enjoy a crime show where the murder is light and fun? Does a main character carrying a bunch of tote bags appeal to you? If yes to ALL THREE, check it out. This most recent episode is about wig makers, and Jeff Hiller stars, and it’s maybe the best episode the Elsbeth folks have ever made.
Everyone knows that condiments rule, but ultimately there’s a pecking order, and ketchup’s at the top. My brother insists there is a direct correlation: the more you like ketchup, the dumber you are. Well, consider me dumb as rocks, because I can’t get enough. Ketchup is king. Want proof? Check out the stains on all of my shirts.
A couple of upcoming events:
This Thursday, March 12th, I’m hosting the International Pretzel Stacking Competition to benefit the Midwest Immigration Bond Fund at Littlefield. Participants have 1 hour to stack the tallest pretzel structure in teams of up to 4 people. Registration’s at the door, which opens at 7pm, and the stacking starts at 8. BYO pretzels and edible adhesive (marshmallow fluff, pimento cheese, etc.)!
And this is a way’s away, but on Tuesday, June 30th, I’m doing a book release show at the Bell House for Sex on Murder Island, the sequel to Murder on Sex Island. Ticket link just went live! Some friends will join me, and I’m sure they’ll be nothing but kind and supportive, not like last time. NOT like LAST TIME! Your ticket includes a signed copy of the book, so if you’re thinking of pre-ordering the book and you live in New York, could be a *FuN NiGHT OuT*!
And now some passions from the readers…
Johnson: “Passionate about speaking in a passable br*tish accent with my girlfriend to say somewhat weird stuff like, “I think I’ll get a tomato today and rub it on my head. I do think so I will!””
Alicia: “Hi Jo! It’s thrilling to write to you about my passion for pulling weeds. Specifically, invasive weeds that grow in my nearby dog park. My fellow dog owners seem to think I am a hero but really I am just scratching my own itch. Satisfying!”
Brie: “My latest passion is putting honey in my morning coffee. We have a milk frother, so I start by heating up my oat milk, adding my hot coffee, and then a scoop of local honey. The hot milk and coffee melt the honey and it mixes very well together. It tastes like a fancy latte that I didn't have to pay for and it really helps with seasonal midwest allergies!”
If you have a passion, you can reply to this email with 1-2 sentences about it!